I stood there looking at him as if I wanted to scream out but the words didn’t come. I knew if I took my glasses off he would see the reality of the life I was living. I had been up for several days high again for what seemed like an eternity of drug use. I knew if I didn’t say something he would leave and I might not have a chance to be rescued. SO many thoughts running through my mind. How I had hurt him, embarrassed him, dishonored his name. How could he forgive me and even if he did forgive me why would he help me? The thoughts continued... But now was my chance. Drugs had taken over my life, and I knew if I didn’t get out now my life would come to an end.
So there we were standing in front of the airport terminal, he was ready to leave. Without saying a word, I took off my glasses. The truth was visible. His face. I’ll never forget his face. It was as if he saw the truth but looked past it. His eyes began to well up with tears as I looked up at him and said "Daddy," voice trembling "I’m scared, I need help."
He waited a moment, choking back the tears and said, "My daughter, I love you. I will help you and I will never let you fall again." This moment changed my life forever. I knew he meant it. I knew I was finally going to be safe, I was finally going to be free.
I had known God my whole life. I knew that he loved me and that he wanted what was best for me. But looking at myself, I was a wreck. I had made so many bad choices, hurt so many people, and of course hurt the God that loved me so much. I was lost and stuck, a feeling of hopelessness consumed me. So many times I wanted to cry out to God but I was afraid. Afraid I had gone to far, that I had crossed the line. I had honestly crossed so many lines. In my mind there was no way of being healed from this. But deep inside me something kept nagging at my heart, a truth told to me as a young girl. Romans 8:5- Even though I sin, Christ died for me. When the lights were out and no one was around this truth kept coming to my mind. Could this be true? Could God love me even after all I had done? I so desperately wanted to be free. I hated who I had become, I hated how I was hurting others, and I hated how far I’d gone from who I wanted to be.
My father was offered a job outside our city and I knew this was my chance. I knew he loved God and I knew he loved me. I would take a chance. I exposed my life for what it was. The most painful moment wasn’t telling him I needed help, it was the moments leading up to that. The funny thing was that the moment I told him, all the fear went away. There was no judgement, there was no condemnation, there was only love. I deserved wrath for what I had put him through but all I got was love.
If I ended my story here it would be a nice little story about a girl and her dad, but I would be lying, only telling a half truth. You see, although my dad is a great dad he really wasn't the one who saved me. He just showed me how much I was loved by someone even greater than he. I realized that day that Jesus had used my dad to show me how very much he loves me. That he had seen it all. I mean ALL! And He still loved me. To this day it still baffles my mind. I have made many more mistakes since that day, but what came from that experience was a life living in freedom. I know when I make a mistake or hurt the God that loves me so much, He forgives me. Not only does he forgive me, he sets me free!!! Isn't that what we all want? To be truly free?
Think of the times when you are alone and the lights are out and you are haunted by the pain from what ever you have done, or whatever's been done to you. It is this pain that has caused you to make decisions you are not proud of, or has put you in situations that has caused even more pain. What if, just what if Jesus is standing there saying “I love you, I’ll pick you up and I’ll never let you fall again”. I can say from many experiences this IS what Jesus is saying to you.
One of my favorite verses is found in psalm 40:1-3. It says, “I waited for the Lord and he heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of my destruction. He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.” Can you imagine what it would be like to not be in bondage to your mistakes and to really be free? This has happened for me and it can happen for you. Just tell him, tell him you're scared and you need his help. Get honest with him and seek him. The Bible says in proverbs 8:17 "I LOVE those who love me; and those who seek me will find me!" This is a promise!!! You too can be FOUND… UNBOUND.
I love you all,