**Best read while playing Beyonce's "Single Ladies" and drinking cheap Trader Joe's wine....
I’ve never been on a date.
Well, not like a date date.
You know what I mean.
Boy meets girl.
Boy is taken with girl.
Boy asks girl on date.
Girl says yes.
Boy and girl eat, go to a movie, hold hands... etc.
Did I mention I’m 23 years old?
I’m 23 and I’ve flirted with boys.
I’ve pretended to be interested in stuff I don’t care about.
I’ve carpooled with boys.
I’ve met boys at parks so they can talk about other girls.
I’ve waited with bated breath at my front door hoping that boys will ask me to be their girl.
This, potentially, could be devastating. I could spend every day beating my chest, and pouring ashes over my shaved head because no one loves me and maybe no one ever will, but that’s not true.
Even at my worst and my loneliest, I am lovable and I am loved.
There’s a narrative we’ve been given about singleness that says it’s this cross we have to bear until we get married or die— whichever comes first. Even calling it singleness is isolating and misleading.
It says that I’ll be half a person until I find someone else to complete me.
That’s not true.
I have enough interests, and passions, and convictions for several people.
I have friends who make me laugh and cheer me on.
I have parents who check on me (a little too much).
I’m not single, I’m just not married to anyone.
To me, marriage is about finding a partner—I know that word has a buzz around it in our world but I think it is really fitting. I want to marry someone who has the same heart and mission that I do so that we can accomplish the work of the kingdom together.
I would be lying if I said that I never get lonely, or that I don’t ever wonder why boys don’t like me-- I do. I come home to my apartment sometimes and I get bummed that there’s not a man waiting there for me, or a text on my phone asking about my day. There’s something unique about marriage, and there are days when I long for that unique expression of relationship, but that doesn't always mean that I’m not connecting with God enough (it’s possible to be satisfied in Christ and still desire more from your human relationships), and it doesn’t mean I’m lacking anything personally either.
I don’t need to be married or in a relationship to be whole.
In order to find the wholeness and satisfaction I desire, I’ve got to spend time with Jesus and let Him remind me that He loves me as I am, pursues me, and He wants more for me than I want for myself.
Remembering these things is how I stay hopeful in the waiting.
God is good, God is with me, and because of these things, I’m not single.
I’ve never been single.